This First Person column is the experience of Shannon Kernaghan, a writer and visual artist in Alberta fighting to regain her formerly fearless attitude. For more information about CBC’s First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

I didn’t start out being anxious all the time. 

As a teenager, I felt fearless. I remember heading home from a party with a couple of girlfriends. We stopped at one red light after another as did the cute guy driving a red convertible next to us. We waved and he’d wave back. One friend threatened to jump into his car at the next stop. 

“Go!” I said,