This is the experience of Elizabeth Tadman-Kickham, an Edmonton mom who struggled with pregnancy loss while creating the family of which she dreamed. For more information about CBC’s First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

I found out I was pregnant with Joy two weeks before what should have been my due date for the second pregnancy that I’d lost. Standing in the bathroom, staring at a positive test, I began to cry. 

“I’m too scared,” I told my husband. “I can’t do this again.”

Two kids, one dog. That had been the plan after we had our daughter Stella in the summer